To stay busy and distracted for every waking moment is just impossible. My loud and intrusive bad thoughts infiltrate every task, and every space in between when i stop to take a breath. There it is, a big black cloud of demons creeping in.
And the worst part of this is the knowledge that I’m doing this to myself, my own brain feels the need to attack me on a daily basis with it’s nasty thoughts and vile abuse. And it knows all the right things to say, all my weaknesses. And I hate myself even further for being so fragile, so sensitive to any irritation, that I just crumple like tissue paper.
I need to find an answer. I have to believe that I can fix this, because if I’m not controlling it then the chaos will be overwhelming and consume me entirely.